“Babe, I think my water just broke.” Those were the first words Nicole said to me at 6:20am on Tuesday, July 30th, 2019, now three days overdue with our unborn child. To be honest with you though, at that specific moment, I didn’t quite believe what I had just heard. We had been waiting for months for our son to arrive and had a build up emotions including feelings of excitement, anxiousness, anxiety and joy all at once. When Nicole was first given the July 27th due date from Doctor Baratz at our fertility clinic, we all had our guesses as to when our little bundle of joy would arrive. “July 16th, I know it… it’ll be July the 16th.” I said to Nicole with conviction. Funny enough but also expected, it turned out that all of our guesses were wrong; our little guy decided to show up fast and furious on this day… when Nicole told me that her water broke.
Nicole and I payed close attention to her “water breaking” from 6:20am onward. We called the hospital to ask for guidance on next steps and what not, but even then… I still didn’t believe it was ACTUALLY happening! It wasn’t until Nicole stood in the living room and literally bursted into leakage all over our dark hard wood floors, that I believed that the time was now. Shit just got real. It was happening. I was becoming a dad. All of those anxieties about not knowing how to be a parent, or worrying about Nicole and our little baby through this process got thrown out the window in that moment and there was no looking back because… it was happening. We were becoming parents whether we thought we were ready or not.
After a couple of hours and some contractions at home, we head downtown to Mount Sinai hospital and arrive there around 1:00pm. You know, it wasn’t like the movies where you’re rushing through traffic and running red lights on your way into labour, not by a mile. I actually remember pulling into the Tim Hortons drive through on the way there to get a coffee; “Hi Sir, Can I take your order?” “Hi there, Yup, Large double-double, please. Babe, do you want anything?” Call me insensitive or an asshole, but although I had 9 or so months to prepare for this, you can’t really prepare for it until the day comes. Coffee was my way of preparing for the ride ahead!
Okay, so… we get to Mount Sinai, check in, and head into Triage. The nurses there “check” Nicole and realize that she’s already a couple of centimeters dilated. Now when I say “check”, I don’t mean they had some sort of convenient device that measures how dilated and ruptured you are inside. No, it couldn’t be that simple could it? The OB on-site, literally STUCK HER WHOLE HAND INSIDE and felt how dilated my then-suffering wife was. What if she was wrong? What if she went out partying the night before and wasn’t really “on it” or “in the zone” this particular day? Whatever. She proceeds to tell us that everything looks great. “Fantastic! Nowadays, most women are getting induced to get dilated, but you’re all natural!” From there, the nurses in Triage proceed to do their thing with their Nicole. In the midst of her now intense contractions, they tell her to walk around for a couple of hours before getting admitted into a room in the Labour and delivery section. Cool. Easy enough, right? Not so fast. Nicole and I head down the hall and place our things in one of the waiting rooms for labouring women. We then walk up and down the hall hoping to speed up Nicole’s contractions, but this is a tall order. By this point, Nicole’s contractions are so intense that she’s finding it quite difficult to talk, let alone walk. With my hand holding hers, she squeezes it with each passing contraction. Snap, crackle, pop. Yup, I’m starting to lose circulation in my hand. At this point, I’m thinking to myself, I wish there was something that I could do to help her. I remember saying to Nicole, “I wish there was a way that we could split the pain or have me feel the contractions for you so you don’t have to feel this way on your own.” It was a helpless feeling, and I couldn’t stand to see her feel these intense contractions and be in so much pain.
Once we finished with our two hour rounds up and down the hall, Nicole was admitted to the Labour and Delivery unit in large and spacious room. The nurse that was working was attentive and pleasant and took all of her information; her vitals, the babies vitals and what not, and it was time to wait it out a bit more. Time check? 3:30pm. Cool. By this point, Nicole’s contractions were so intense that she could barely speak to me, the nurse and was quite oblivious to anything happening in the room. You can’t blame her though, she looked as though there was a demon inside of her taking over her body. The good news though, was that she was now 3-4cm dilated, according to the doctor delivering our baby that day… Dr. Michelle Jacobson was her name I believe? I think? Whatever. So, Dr. Jacobson proceeds to tell us that Nicole is doing fantastic with her contractions, and that we will just need to wait it out some more. “We’ve got a healthy baby and an all natural momma!”
Nicole’s contractions are at an all time high now, and our nurse asks if Nicole would like the epidural. “Yes, let’s do it.” Nicole replies. So, the show continues and plans are arranged for the epidural. Next thing we know, the nurse and another anesthesiologist proceed to sit Nicole on the bed in an interesting position with her spine exposed. As I hold Nicole’s hands, she tries not to move while he sticks a giant needle in her spine… the strength of a woman I tell ya’! I remember this moment being quite emotional as thoughts run through my mind… “What if they miss and paralyze her? What if this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing? What if Nicole moves while he’s sticking this ungodly needle in her spine?” I remember holding her hands with my head hunched over and the nurse coming over to me and saying, “If you feel queasy or sick, you can go and sit down.” That was not the case; I was trying to keep Nicole steady as she goes through one of her many intense contractions while getting a needle stuck in her spine. “All done” the anesthesiologist says, and attaches a cord along with a bunch of others to my wife. “You’ll start to notice that contractions aren’t as painful in about 20 minutes or so.” Yeah… I think she was down with that, you know… not feeling those intense contractions anymore.
By this point, it’s about 5:00pm and we wait it out some more, but before we know it, the pain from Nicole’s contractions subside. I remember looking at the monitor that shows her contractions plotted on a graph, and noticed that she just had a huge contraction but didn’t even realize it. Pre-epidural Nicole was in so much pain that she couldn’t talk to anyone. Post-epidural Nicole was a much different story. “Heyyy, how’s it going?” I remember Nicole having full-on conversations with the nurse while going through a massive contraction. Epidural’s are somethin’, huh? Contractions are different for every labouring woman; you cannot predict what they will be like and you can have everything planned out in your mind, but everything can change the day of.
Moving on. Beep, beep, beep goes the heart rate display that shows both Nicole’s heart rate and Nathaniel’s heart rate. Unfortunately, Nathaniel’s heart rate dropped much, much lower than Nicole’s heart rate which isn’t a good thing. Doctors and nurses monitoring Nathaniel’s heart rate from another room barge in and proceed to move Nicole on her side to “wake him up” and try to increase his heart rate again. This happens a few times over the next couple of hours. I cannot put what I was feeling at that time into words as I helplessly watch my soon-to-be son struggle to beat his tiny little heart and stay alive. His heart rate kept dropping down to 30-50bpm when it should be hovering around the 110-130bpm range. Again… helpless; there was nothing neither Nicole or I could do to help our little guy and it was a terrifying moment. Doctor Jacobson decided to put a device on Nathaniel’s head while he was still in the womb because they wanted to verify that his heart rate was actually that low. To measure his heart rate up until this point, they had monitors on Nicole’s belly which is usually pretty accurate. When they “went in” and placed the tracker on Nathaniel’s head, they did in fact validate that his heart was actually dangerously low, which prompted them to resort to a new plan.
By this point, it was about 7:20pm and things seemed a lot more intense. Dr. Jacobson “checked” Nicole again and realized that she was already about 8-9cm dilated and essentially, ready to go. How did this happen so fast? In a matter of a few hours, Nicole went from being a few centimetres dilated to being ready. Abruptly, more Doctors rushed into the room and there were about 7 or 8 of them now; some monitoring displays, others down in the trenches, some paying closer attention to me while others watched from a distance at this both beautiful and terrifying moment unfold. Strangely, I could feel how there was now pressure build up in the room as the Doctors just had a much different aura about them. “Nicole, we’re going to have to get this baby out now, okay? We’re going to use the vacuum on his head to try and guide him out, but we’re going to need to you push real hard, okay? When I count to three, we’re going to push. 3-2-1… PUSH!” This goes on for all of 7 or so minutes while my champ-of-a-wife pushes with all her might and the Doctors yell “PUSH… PUSH… PUSH”. Nicole was having some troubles breathing as she pushed. But seriously though, how are you supposed to hold your breath and push, but still breathe? I’m confused. Nicole looked like she was about to pass out. So now I’m tearing up because of everything that just went on today, but I continue to hold her hand and tell her to PUSH like she’s never pushed before. “PUSH! YOU GOT THIS! PUSH!” I say to her as if she’s lying down, bench pressing for a world record.
7:54pm… What I saw next was absolutely unexplainable. I can only summarize the amazement with a one-liner that might put things into perspective for anyone out there reading this today.
“Holy Fuck! Hollllyyyyy Fuck!
– David Porretta, delivery moment.
What a fucking trip!”
Without getting into too much detail, I SAW HIS FUCKING HEAD COME OUT! I continued to look on standing beside Nicole, holding her hand in amazement. His head, covered in furry medium brown hair and shaped like an odd-looking football came out first, followed by his tiny little body in one swift…THRUST. As soon as he came out, he was quickly wiped down and placed on Nicole’s chest with a light blanket over the both of them. I was speechless; I could not believe what I had just seen with my 32 year old eyes. “How in the fuck? Everyone goes through this? Holy fuck!” You know… It felt as if I just went skydiving and jumped out of a spacecraft that was hovering the moon; what an amazing moment! The single most amazing moment of my life! Let’s do it again… HAHA! Hold on there buddy, give it a moment, Okay?
Now… the Doctors ask me to cut the umbilical cord. “Hey, are you ready to cut the umbilical cord?” “Yup! Let’s do it.” I reply. Was I ready? Was I nervous? You know, I thought I would have been terrified in this moment, but it was quite the opposite… I was fascinated! I cut it, and saw some “goo” spew out. Cool! No really, COOL! From there, I walk around the table and head over to another table where the placenta was sitting. “What the fuck? What a cool looking piece of art!” The placenta was sitting in a metal tray with some surgical equipment, and it looked like something that you would have on display at a Halloween party in the foyer. Amazing. Just… amazing.
From this point, the Doctors explained everything that just went down. They told us that his heart rate had kept going dangerously low because of two reasons. Reason #1, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck in the earlier stages of labour, and Reason #2, Nicole’s contractions were so intense and so demanding that they were essentially “squeezing” him in the womb, causing stress. Some of her contractions during labour lasted 4 minutes which is unheard of; some of the “best contractions” they’ve ever seen they told us. Thankfully, they were both okay and came out unscathed.
This moment was quite indescribable; from the waist up, it was absolutely beautiful… Nicole, Nathaniel and I lie there studying each-other in awe. Below the waist, it looked like a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre; blood-covered hospital equipment, stained floors and an hour or-so of stitching below the waist. Apparently Nicole had grade 3B tearing; different levels of tearing and recovery that is on par with the healing of a C-section.
Nicole, Nathaniel and myself had some time to lay there together as he sat on Nicole’s chest. We stared at him, looked at his features, the motions he was making and the puckering of his lips and constant need to suckle his fingers. He was born 7lbs, 3oz with a cute face, quirky long legs and arms, long fingers, an oddly-shaped football head and big feet! Nicole and I kept going back and forth with his name; Nathaniel or River? We scoured thousands of names and it was these two names that stuck with us. One of the Doctors asked, “Well, what is this cute little guys name?” “It’s Nathaniel or River… we can’t decide?”, we replied, “Well, what about Nathaniel River Porretta?” the Doctor said. And there you have it, this is how his name came to be. In hebrew, Nathaniel means “Gift of God” and we thought it was quite fitting considering the journey the three of us took to get here. What a blessing.
You know… it wasn’t long ago that Nicole and I were trying to get pregnant… and couldn’t. A year and a half of “trying”; surgery, countless appointments at the fertility clinic, IUI’s and almost IVF’s, sperm checks and samples, pre-natal vitamins and the works, we wanted this… and we finally got it. He was ours… our family of two had finally grown to three!
That little cell was pumping; his heart was alive already!
The night concluded with having our (almost) entire family come into the room to meet the new addition to the family. Prior to them meeting our little guy, I remember going into the waiting room to tell them that Nathaniel was born. I was so filled with adrenaline in that moment that I couldn’t actually speak as I stand in front of their eager and patiently waiting eyes.
I yell out in front of them and a group of others in the waiting room, “So, yeah… Amazing moment. So amazing… blah blah blah.” It’s as if my brain and my mouth had an argument that day and didn’t want to cooperate with each other. “Nope, Mr. Mouth, you’re on your own for this one. You did me wrong, I ain’t helpin’ ya on this one.”
Once the family left, Nicole had a bout of unconsciousness. I remember holding Nathaniel in my arms while the nurse took Nicole to the washroom. Next thing I know, other nurses are rushing in because apparently Nicole had fainted from all of the medications she had that day with literally no food in her system. Yeah… not the way we wanted this night to end but luckily she was okay.
So, we waited it out and eventually moved to our Semi-private room for the evening. “Nicole, are you hungry?” “Yeah, I can eat.” “Want to order UberEats?” “Sure!” I ordered scrambled eggs, toast, fruit and other stuff from Denny’s at 1:30am that night. SOME GOOD EATIN’! After eating, the nurse talked to us a little, and eventually left us to be for the night. Before leaving, I asked if I can stay the night and she said, “Of course, your bed is there” pointing to the reclining chair. “I’ll get you a blanket” Cool… I never saw the blanket that night and ended up sleeping on the floor because I couldn’t sit in an upright chair like that. The next morning, the nurse comes into the room and says, “Oh, I never brought you the blanket, did I? You slept on the floor?” “Yeah” I reply. “Did you know that both the front and back of the chair reclines?” Nope. I wouldn’t be trying to sleep on this concrete hospital floor if I new that.
I stayed up much of the night holding our son, wondering how this happened even though I knew exactly how it happened but couldn’t process it yet. It’s such a surreal and amazing moment to hold your baby in your arms for the first night while he stares into your eyes. In this moment, I again, think to myself, “Man, I’m a Dad now. SHIT JUST GOT REAL.”
So, will I be the father that Nathaniel will look up to? Will we know what we’re doing all the time? Will we be good parents? You know… I don’t have those answers, but I can guarantee you that we will love our son to the moon and back and keep him safe for the rest of his life.
